Sociopathology

The 2019 social events I attended with my boss were a case study in human behavior. Ever since I discovered her sociopathic tendencies, I have tried to limit my interactions with her outside of the office. However, when the situation arises, I try my best to avoid engaging in her antisocial habits.

But first, how do you spot a sociopath boss? Sociopaths have a dangerous ability to mimic emotion and empathy to manipulate others for their benefit. They come across as charming and charismatic, using intelligence, physical attributes, or pretense to get what they want. When working with this type of boss, it’s essential to trust your instincts. Here are ten ways how you can survive.

1. Keep Things Confidential

Not only is it an ethical practice, but it is also a necessary habit when working with sociopaths. Divulging personal information can hurt you in the long run, especially since these bosses tend to pass judgment and use that knowledge to their favor. Don’t let them know anything that they can use against you, including past relationships, onward plans, and biggest desires.

2. Record Meetings And Conversations (With Consent)

Even when the job doesn’t require you, documenting minutes of the meeting or writing discussion notes is crucial when the boss tries to change facts. Sociopaths would not take the blame for misdeeds because they would rather lie and shift responsibility if it doesn’t make them look good.

3. Find Out What They Like

Some sociopaths display narcissistic behaviors, which others consider to be weaknesses. They talk a lot about their lives, jobs, and even relationships as if those are the only things that matter. Rather than compete for attention, indulge your boss in such conversations to learn more about them and how they think.

4. Look For Validation Elsewhere

Sometimes, employees are also guilty of indulging the narcissist boss to avoid arguments, although that can present a problem. Because they become so wrapped up in their heads and fail to put themselves in other people’s shoes, it affects work performance. It’s rare to hear the sociopath boss give a compliment because to them; they did half the job by hiring you and therefore, should take the credit.

5. Become A Work Ally

Keeping things professional with a sociopath boss will guarantee your survival. If you want to maintain some distance between you and your boss, cooperate as long as it gets the job done. Avoid falling victim to their unethical habits of spreading malicious gossip or bad-mouthing colleagues. Look for healthier relationships with co-workers outside your circle, so you don’t get absorbed in their toxic behavior.

6. Avoid 1-On-1 Scenarios

Sociopaths generally operate individually and thrive when they hold the upper hand. Having a boss that likes closed-door meetings is a sign of distrust in the workplace. Keep away from situations where you have no witnesses because sociopaths are prone to afflicting aggression, emotional abuse, and bullying.

7. Learn To Cope With Stress

Aside from work-related pressures, you are more prone to verbal harassment when you work with a sociopath boss. It’s normal to commit errors, but to be continuously scolded for a mistake is abusive behavior. Whether it’s hanging out with friends, exercising at the gym, or engaging in outdoor activities, it’s crucial to have an effective coping mechanism to stay sane.

8. Face Criticism With Resilience

The sociopath boss believes they’re excellent and therefore imposes a higher standard than most. They criticize harshly and embrace adversity, which means they don’t avoid chaos; instead, they invite it. Whenever this happens, it’s essential to keep a cool head and not let negative comments hurt you personally. Remember that how the boss responds to a situation says more about them than it does about you.

9. Trust The Idea, Not The Person

Some bosses are indeed intelligent, and they are excellent assets to the company because of their ideas. However, it’s dangerous to tie the initiative to a person without considering the contribution of other team members. Sociopaths tend to exaggerate their achievements to amplify their egos, so stick to the facts and ignore the comments.

10. Leave When You Are Ready

It’s rare for the sociopath boss to step down for reasons where they do not benefit. The only way to bring down a sociopath on top is to rise above them, even when it means moving to another team or company, so you no longer need to deal with them.

Some of these tips may sound challenging because working for a sociopath boss can be exhausting. You will be prone to experiencing anxiety, fatigue, and complicated feelings because of outrageous demands. When you feel that it’s no longer within your control, try to seek help from the company’s human resources officer or a trusted workplace counselor. Whichever way you decide to cope, always choose what’s healthy for you.

 

We all know that sociopaths thrive in grey areas where they look for every opportunity to create drama in life. They are the ones who love to engage in conflicts without feeling guilty at all—these people’s incapacity to love and understand harms other individuals’ emotional and mental state. But with sociopaths’ shallow emotions, how do you think they handle the pandemic situation now that they are in quarantine?

Source: pxhere.com

They Do Not Care At All

One thing that makes sociopaths different from others is their irresponsible behavior. These people disregard social obligations even if the circumstances require them to act on a particular moment. That is because they think highly of themselves. Therefore, ignoring responsibilities and blaming others is what they usually do. They see hostility everywhere, and that makes them unaware of caring. Their sense of self-love makes them think that people are suffering because they deserve it. They want nothing to do with people’s situation, but they want others to feel sorry and responsible for their emotional entanglement.

Source: medium.com

They Mess With People Through The Internet

Like most everyone, sociopaths also thank the internet for allowing them to gain other resources. Utilizing the web gives them additional power to manipulate other individuals, especially now in people’s weakest and darkest moments. And since social media easily carry the validation they want to achieve, they use their access to excuse themselves for the self-serving behavior they do. They misinterpret people’s distant action, so it drives sociopaths to seek for an opportunity to hurt them without any reasons. Sociopaths are pathological liars, so if there is one thing that can make them get away with it, that is the anonymity of the internet’s social media platforms.

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They Love The Spring-Break Idea Of The Pandemic

Yes, sociopaths see an opportunity in this pandemic situation. Though that may sound positively encouraging, the results they do is different. Instead of trying to figure out how they can help the community, sociopaths see this global crisis as an opening for creative stimulation. They are enjoying the situation as they see others suffer from it. Since the situation is already hard enough for others, they spur at the moment to drive other people emotionally and psychologically unstable. That instead of trying to help, they tend to blame others for the unfortunate circumstances.

They Add Panic To The Situation

Sociopaths love to create chaos. And now that the opportunity of getting one is at hand, they use the situation’s uncertainty to add panic. Due to boredom and emotional stress of the quarantine, sociopaths engage in putting up the bait to throw at other people. They want to destroy other people’s calmness. They see the pandemic situation as a prospect of making other people’s lives miserable because they love the terrified reactions they witness from people. They feel a great sense of pleasure, knowing that others are taking the situation very poorly. Sociopaths love it when they know others can’t handle the situation as they do.

Source: pxhere.com

They Handle It The Best Way They Do

Since the focus and pressure of the situation are at the hands of every individual’s mental and emotional state, it gives sociopaths an idea. It allows them to manipulate and control others by confusing their emotions. Sociopaths also feel stressed with the situation, but they manage to remove it from themselves and pass it on to other people. They don’t want to suffer emotional and mental stress, so they want others to have ten times more of what they are experiencing. These people are dedicated to making someone else’s life miserable because that is their best way to survive and handle the pandemic crisis.

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The 2019 Sociopathology Conference discussed some behaviors that are present in sociopathic individuals. There are already studies about sociopathy, yet a lot of people still do not understand this condition, especially since the media tend to exaggerate and misinterpret it.

So, let’s educate ourselves and learn the truth about sociopathy. Here are common myths about sociopaths debunked.

Sociopaths Are Psychopaths

This statement is the most common misconception about sociopaths. People believe that psychopathy is an extreme form of sociopathy. It is not.

The main difference between these two is awareness. Psychopaths are insensitive and have no remorse; thus, they are violent, and they do not know it. On the other hand, sociopaths are entirely aware of the social norms; they just do not care about it.

Sociopathy Is Untreatable

Sociopathy is not curable; however, it is treatable. Therapy and medication can help improve the symptoms of sociopathy. Aggression-reducing drugs and mood stabilizers will help sociopaths have better control of themselves. Cognitive, behavioral, group, or family therapies will also be useful. Furthermore, early detection of sociopathic traits in children can help prevent it from further development.

Sociopathy Is Unpreventable

Sociopathic tendencies present themselves as early as childhood. A child’s extreme antisocial behavior can be a sign. However, contrary to popular belief, it is preventable. Through early detection and intervention, sociopathy in children can be prevented from developing further. It is crucial, however, that the parents monitor their child and model proper behavior to make prevention effective.

Source: pxfuel.com

Sociopathy Is An Excuse For Bad Behavior

Sociopaths may use their condition to justify their poor behavior; do not give in to that. As mentioned above, these individuals are entirely aware of what they are doing and why it is wrong; they just do not care about the rules.

Common behavior patterns of sociopaths include impulsivity, aggression, and recklessness, among others. There is a high chance that sociopaths will end up breaking the law. However, take note that not all criminals are sociopaths.

Although sociopaths may present violent behaviors, it is not always the case. So, if you have a loved one or if you ever meet someone who is a diagnosed sociopath, try to greet them with understanding instead of judgment. Doing so may not fix their behavior, but it can encourage them to seek help for it.

Not everyone who’s charming and affable is a sociopath. However, if you notice that you’re being messed with, gas-lighted, and manipulated by your exceedingly alluring special someone, it is most likely that you are the victim of his or her sociopathic mind games.

By recognizing how a sociopath thinks and works, it is easier for you to identify the games that they love to play within a relationship.

The Face Of A Sociopath

Though certain qualities are similar to psychopaths, sociopaths are less polished and less savvy making it apparent for other people to identify if they’re dealing with one. By letting you experience the proverbial ringer, sociopaths are adept at manipulating people around them that even the way you dress can be influenced.

The Ruse

To get their way in a relationship, sociopaths tend to do mind games. What are the usual signs that you need to watch out for so as not to get sucked into an unhealthy relationship that can ruin you as a person?

1. You Are Always To Blame

Despite the reality that you did nothing wrong, you still get blamed for every single wrong thing that happened in your relationship. For example, even if your partner made a mistake, he or she will turn things around by saying that it’s initially your fault for overreacting or for not being understanding of the situation. Sociopaths tend to innocently demonize their targets by characterizing them as the inadvertent instigator of creating discord in dynamics.

2. You Become The Crazy One

Whenever you air out something to your partner, are you often told that you’re too paranoid or you’re just being crazy for thinking as such? If in every argument you are always on the losing side, this is a sign that your sociopath partner is gas-lighting which is a typical tactic that a lot of sociopaths utilize on their victims. Gaslighting happens when a person uses your words against you to the point of endlessly defending yourself for saying those things. Sociopaths are aiming to invalidate you which results in you questioning your rational thinking and sanity.

3. Sincerity Is Too Good To Be True

One of the captivating yet tricky things about sociopaths is their ability to appear sincere even if their words are mostly built on lies. Their capacity to create stories convincingly is due to their sophisticated approach that can turn into manipulation. For sociopaths, love is merely a game of seduction and lying. Over time, if you ever caught them red-handed, sociopaths will never show any signs of remorse because their moral compass is askew. “Those who are sociopathic,” said Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC “Most often characterized by low empathy and a general “pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.”

4. Your Head’s A Mess

Sociopaths love to mess with people’s minds; they may hurt you and cause you insurmountable amounts of pain for the sake of enjoyment and the thought that you will be turning to him or her for comfort. For example, your partner might provoke or convince you into speaking up to your friend and be direct about a particular issue. But then your friend becomes offended, and your partner will be there waiting to act sympathetic when in fact, your partner is just playing with your feelings and manipulating you by thinking how awful that friend was for not understanding. That’s how sneaky sociopaths are.

5. Flattery Is Their Weapon

Endless flattery is a technique sociopaths use to win you over; this usually happens by uttering compliments now and then. However, these flattering remarks would feel a bit off because they are more likely to come out as completely and utterly fake. When the flattery is way over the top, know that your partner’s sociopathic mind is in play. Compliments can brighten anyone’s day but if it’s too much to the point of being unbelievable, start being suspicious. According to Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC in her online article titled ‘Do You Work with a Sociopath?’ sociopaths “Choose to intermingle, they present as charming, intelligent, balanced, sexy, and yet seemingly harmless. But this is a front.”

Know When You’re Losing

Through the use of manipulation and charm that sociopaths have perfected, they can quickly get away with what they want. For people who are unaware that sociopaths exist, they will first feel charmed, but as the relationship progresses, they’ll have this foreboding, scary, or confused feeling that they are being sabotaged into something they initially thought was a show of affection.

Sociopaths love the power play. There is always this effort of wanting to control you to the point of dishing out a couple of threats like suicide. But these are usually empty threats and are merely a way to make you agree with what your partner says. Don’t let your sociopath partner get the best of you. As much as possible, if you ever experienced the signs listed above, leave and don’t look back. It’s the best way to save yourself from being ruined entirely. As Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC, said “it’s clear that sociopaths are quite capable of evil.”

 

There are many things that you need to take into consideration when it comes to dating. You have to make sure that you think twice before getting involved with someone. Take note that the other person can affect your emotions or your mental health. This is why it is essential to look for specific qualifications in a person before you start the dating process.

 

 

Continue reading “Top Questions To Ask About Dating A Sociopath”

Even though sociopaths do not feel and show sincere social emotions, there are still some people who end up marrying individuals with this disorder. They consistently lie, prove to be irresponsible and have no conscience for their actions. “Some people seem to have no regard for others and can cause harm to them without any regret or feelings of guilt. When this behavior is pervasive, a person may have a chronic mental health condition known as antisocial personality disorder,” said  Kathleen Smith, PhD, LPC. Having a sociopath partner, more often than not, is discovered later in the relationship.  Stephen Snyder, MD says that “People with sociopathic tendencies are accustomed to lying, so it’s not as hard for them to fake feelings. Some sociopaths are skilled at pretending they’re wounded and hurt.”

 

  Continue reading “Real Marriage Experience With A Sociopath “

Dating a sociopath, or a person diagnosed with an anti-social personality disorder (ASPD), is like riding a rollercoaster. However, instead of high loops and elevated tracks, the only direction that you will be heading is down, down, down. Here are the testimonies of people who have dated sociopaths before. 

 

 

Continue reading “What It Feels To Date Sociopath “

 

 

Sociopaths are known to be inhuman, masters of manipulation and deceit, violent people who do nothing good but just harm every person around them.  This is made true with the statement “Sociopaths are manipulative because they are trying to achieve what they want for themselves in the world,” says Joshua Klapow, PhD. Isn’t the society being too judging of these people we have labeled as sociopaths?  As what Paul Chernyak, LPC said, sociopaths “..will often overreact strongly to minor or perceived offenses. If they are challenged or confronted about it, they will attempt to divert attention away from themselves…” Are they really that bad?

 

The Successful Sociopaths

It’s hard to believe that sociopaths have no conscience. Maybe not as in zero at all, but they do have a weak conscience.  And their weak conscience, influenced by neglect and feeling unloved, have led them to harden their hearts.   However, not all sociopaths were neglected growing up.

 

Some sociopaths were raised in an environment that is nurturing, loving, and caring.

 

Some successful people in their chosen careers are later diagnosed to be sociopaths.  Experts in the field articulated that growing up with guidance, nurturing, and proper education is what makes the difference.  They learn how to focus being self-serving and the self-centeredness to something positive – something they will benefit from living a more comfortable life, where they can have the fame, the thrill, and the control that makes them feel alive. According to Darrel Turner, PhD  “This is someone who has a high level of confidence and belief in themselves, but to a very unhealthy and harmful extent—to the point at which it actually distorts their sense of reality about themselves, other people, and the world around them. It can also lead them into manipulative and exploitative behavior, because they will prioritize their own needs above anyone else’s.”

 

The charismatic, controlling CEOs find the game in business thrilling and satisfying.   Stock markets give them delight.  Success is their way to fame, with no cares if they have to break some morals.

 

Sociopaths Are Just Thrill Seekers; They Never Mean To Hurt 

In one interview with a psychopath, he said that hurting was never his motive.   He’s just seeking self-enjoyment and self-satisfaction.  That is why he doesn’t feel remorseful for the wrong things he had done because he sees nothing wrong in satisfying his desires.  Being said that they don’t have the capacity to love, they also can’t do the opposite.

 

Normal people (as we consider ourselves) have the capacity to love, but when we get hurt, we also intentionally tend to hurt other people.  We feel the guilt after because, in our mind, we did something terrible consciously, and we did such out of anger.

 

No One Is Born Evil

Studies done at The Baby Lab show that babies already have an idea of what is right and wrong.  So, babies are born not just of evil, but the knowledge of what is good is also imprinted in their memory.  This knowledge is further developed as we are growing up, influenced by people around us; they can be our parents, siblings and other relatives, friends, and now the media.

 

 

Innate in us is good and evil. How we control and our perception of those ideas vary and depend on how we are raised.  There are times when people are forced to do bad things when pushed to the edge.   Circumstances make us do things, which we may regret later on.  This regret makes us change.  But sociopaths never feel remorse, they rationalize their actions, and rationalization can somehow make them think of changing their behavior, too. As Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC, said “it’s clear that sociopaths are quite capable of evil.”

 

Self-Awareness, One’s Urge To Change

Self-awareness makes a sociopath accept he is a sociopath; it is one of his best assets.   And when someone points out to him that what he has done is wrong, he will give it a deep thought and analyze what is wrong with his action.   However, there is no feeling of remorse as he rationalizes his deeds. He has that thinking that maybe next time, he can change or refrain from doing some of his actions because he doesn’t want to harm anyone.   That is according to one sociopath, who brought his children once to some thrill-seeking adventure.   All he wanted was to have fun and never intended to put his children at risk.  But when his wife pointed out these things to him, he gave it a thought.   He doesn’t feel sorry for what he has done and even rationalized that he didn’t think it is wrong as he saw his kids enjoying the moment.

 

Most of us do things to our self and others without thinking of the consequences.  All we think of is the thrill and excitement we’re getting from it at the moment.

 

The difference is always that there’s a guilt feeling after when we are normal, and there’s none when you’re a sociopath.   “Lacking empathy, they don’t feel badly for those they hurt but think of them as easy prey,” says psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW. But still, the same, sociopaths have the choice of whether or not they are going to do it again, or be more cautious in the future.  They, too, question and analyze their actions when their actions are brought to their attention.   We just have different ways of rationalizing every situation.

 

 

A Sociopath Is A Sociopath

Sociopaths can change or may have the urge to, but they can never really remove the internal aspects that define them as sociopaths.

 

We just have to stop saying that they have no conscience, but instead believe that they, too, may have one.   No matter how weak conscience is, it is the same conscience.   Anything that is weak can be strengthened in some ways.  A weak conscience can be fixed with acceptance, followed by love and care.  No one wants to be looked at by a judging eye; no one wants to be looked at as if he is a criminal – not a sociopath, not a normal person.

 

Sociopaths, too, have the right to be part of this society.  In fact, in the 1% of the population who are considered sociopaths, some of them have contributed to the wellness of their community or nation.  Some of them have declared their advocacy for the welfare of humankind.  It may be just to challenge themselves, a sort of way to tickle their mind a little, but never to harm anyone.

 

Having the urge to change is often brought by the love we receive.  All of us are longing for that thing.  Even those who don’t have the capacity to give love are waiting to receive it.   Love is always the trigger for change.

 

A sociopath’s capacity for empathy may be weak, but he, too, can engage in it.  A sociopath’s urge to change may depend on the value inculcated in him and the amount of love, patience, and care he is receiving, considering the benefits that he can get when he tries to make a 180-turn around for what seems to be better.  It is doubtful to change their thought processes but what they can definitely change is how they can respond to them.

In today’s society, people are inclined to conform to the high moral standards that they have established and developed for the betterment of their lives.  The society has put together a standard of ethics and principles which are said to be needed to live within the context of universal harmony and peace.  This harmony lets the society predetermine the very foundation of what we now know as good and evil; commending those that do well for and in the society while punishing those who harm the balance that keeps the world afloat.

 

 

Masters Of Disguise

Living as a psychopath within this society is a life that leads to secrecy and disguise.  Labeled anti-social, they often wear social masks to enable them to blend into the environment which allows social interaction on what seems to be a standard level for the community.  They have to blend into this sense of normality, a concept that the people have established to make life easier and tolerable.  These kinds of concepts are complicated for a psychopath to blend in, to conform to what is right in the eyes of those that may discriminate acts that are not considered to be normal.

 

A psychopath may find it difficult to live in society, but it indeed is not impossible.  Psychopaths may develop a sense of conformity where the laws that govern the lives of people are carefully analyzed and grasped to live a conventional life.  Upon awareness of their psychopathic tendencies, psychopaths are smart enough to mold themselves into a disguise, hiding in plain sight for people not to take hints.  They adjust their empathy, most often than not, faking emotions that they know are the best or the most natural emotional response to a given situation.

In addition to that “The psychopath is charming in a way that doesn’t quite add up. He is a story teller and tells tales that always place him in a good light, and the stories don’t feel totally believable. The most important point about the charm of the psychopath is that he often seems too smooth to be entirely real.” says Dr. Seth Meyers, a licensed clinical psychologist.

 

 

Master of Pretense

Gaining a greater understanding of themselves leads them to generate confidence that allows them to manipulate those that are around them.  Psychopaths arm themselves with a charming personality that often comes naturally and sometimes learned from social experiences. According to psychotherapist Amy Morin, “Psychopaths are almost always well-liked. They come across as delightful people great at making small talk. Their quick wit tends to draw people to them. They usually have interesting stories as well. Their convincing tales portray them in a favorable, yet believable light. People walk away from conversations with a psychopath feeling pretty good.” Lies and deception are weapons that psychopaths use to get what they want, which are usually only for their benefit rather than the benefit of the society.  They have a conscious choice of living as to how they want to live their lives, a sense of higher self-control that allows them to live according to their impulses and desires.

 

Master Of Puppets

The life of a psychopath is often make-believe and an assumed set of identities based on the norms of society.  Theirs is a personality that is versatile in the fields of mimicry and manipulation, which they use to divert the attention of the society from suspecting their true inner nature.  They condition themselves to fit the features of a person that lives a ‘normal’ life, creating an overall presentation suited to hide their real identities and intentions. “There are people who are part-way up the scale, high enough to warrant an assessment for psychopathy, but not high enough up to cause problems. Often they’re our friends, they’re fun to be around. They might take advantage of us now and then, but usually it’s subtle and they’re able to talk their way around it” says psychologist Professor Robert Hare.

 

 

Living a narcissistic life gives psychopaths a sense of power to dominate those that are around them.  A puppeteer with no remorse, no guilt, and lacks a moral core that holds the strings of the people they wish to control.