Dating a sociopath, or a person diagnosed with an anti-social personality disorder (ASPD), is like riding a rollercoaster. However, instead of high loops and elevated tracks, the only direction that you will be heading is down, down, down. Here are the testimonies of people who have dated sociopaths before.
Katie Snooks’ Story
A photography graduate, Katie Snooks owns a blog where she talks about her favorite beauty products and experiences. One of her blog entries is about her dating experience with a sociopath. She begins her story with this:
“I was happy (for a time) and enjoyed their company and felt adored (at times) but after each relationship had ended, I could see clearly looking back that most of it were lies.”
She described her partner as incredibly charming and charismatic, which is a common trait for sociopaths. In the start of her relationship, her partner made her feel really special. However, as her relationship progresses, she realized this was not her partner’s true self.
She and her sociopath partner argued a lot, and one of the sources of these arguments is her partner’s lies. Her sociopath partner is a compulsive liar, which is also a common trait for sociopaths. He also didn’t show empathy or remorse and often believed that he was better than everyone else. According to a relationship therapist, Stephen Snyder, MD, “People with sociopathic tendencies are accustomed to lying, so it’s not as hard for them to fake feelings. Some sociopaths are skilled at pretending they’re wounded and hurt.”
However, things got worse when her sociopath partner began to reveal his addictive and manipulated personality. He was often obsessed with some things before abandoning them and looking for another subject of obsession. He also took advantage of her weakness and made her feel bad for all the arguments that he started.
The worst thing of all, he gaslighted her. It made her feel so horrible inside and made her lose the confidence for herself. As what Paul Chernyak, LPC said, sociopaths “..will often overreact strongly to minor or perceived offenses. If they are challenged or confronted about it, they will attempt to divert attention away from themselves…”
Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s Experience
Unlike Katie Snooks, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was married to a sociopath. She described her husband as “[someone] with whom I shared a million happy, fun times.” “However, sociopaths are good at fabricating their personalities and relationships. They are good at pretending to be in love with their partner, so relationships with sociopaths are often one-sided.” said Bill Eddy LCSW, JD However, sociopaths are good at fabricating their personalities and relationships. They are good at pretending to be in love with their partner, so relationships with sociopaths are often one-sided.
Also, sociopaths do not feel self-hate. When they are done with their current relationship, they move on with another person.
Buttafuoco ends her experience with a warning: “[Sociopaths] can charm the birds out of the trees and tell you black is white, and have you believing it.”
Dr. Anne Brown’s Assessment
While Dr. Brown has not entered into a relationship with a sociopath, she does treat sociopaths for a living. She also has patients who have dated sociopaths for a long time. Moreover, here is what she says about dating sociopaths.
First, she calls bullshit to people who believe that they are in a relationship with a sociopath. She asks: how are people in a relationship when the partner borrows their car and tells excuses all the time? People with sociopath partners will always say an outrageous story to defend their relationship. But the only thing Dr. Brown is going to mention is:
“You can keep going because he’s really got you…but I don’t think you can hang your hat on this.”
Second, she admits that a perk of dating a sociopath is sex. Sociopaths are good at sex. But, they’re not doing it for their partner; they are doing it for themselves. They always do.
Lastly, she says that it is almost impossible to have a functional relationship with a sociopath. “Dating a sociopath, that’s an oxymoron,” she says. Many people think that their sociopath will change for them, but you shouldn’t choose a person like that.